bionicbarbi

I was doing really well for a fewe months, eating and excersising and actually paying attention to all my doctors (I’d hate to get dropped again.)  However, I triped face first into my usual pitfall.  Ignoring the signs I need to actually show up for a doctors visit.  All I had was a little cold with a high fever and a little confusion.  Nothing to stress over  Besides, it didn’t even spread to my lungs!  So I waited to see if my immune system would transition from fever to reasonable health (yeah right!)  Surprisingly it seemed to work and I felt a little better! 

rn

Uh huh.  Whatever.  A few weeks later it was back and every week thereafter I’ve developed a slight fever for a few days.  So I’m making a doctor’s appointment.  The good news is I did see my pulmonologist (of course I didn’t tell him), and my lungs are like rockingly clear!  So COOL!  The bad news is I’ve let this drag out for almost 5 months, during which I’ve gained back most of the weight I lost and I think whatever was wrong with me has spread.  I’m having seizures again (which prompted me to actually worry) and now I feel yucky all the time.  I’d stopped eating enough so back to starvation mode.

rn

I have taken some control back though.  I’m back to eating enough times a day and my calories are up.  Now, all I have to do is get healthy and exercise more.  I’ve also decided  to let my endocrinologist test me for Cushing’s disease.  I was waiting to have most of my health under control before adding the next, most obvious diagnosis.  I’ve waited three years and enough is enough.  I should be losing just from eating as much as I am.  I feel like all I do all day is stuff myself and think about my weight.  (I miss being a young anorexic.. you never really think about food if you totally zen the experience.)  I have finally reached my calorie goal of 1200 pretty consistently for a few weeks. Yay!   (Though I worry that sometimes I way over or way under.)Now let’s see if I can actually eat, exercise, take pills (I swear they’re already a meal) and show up to appointments while I work on my book and music.  This is the lightest scedule I’ve had ever and somehow  I still feel a little overwhelmed.  OOPS it’s two in the morning and I haven’t had elavil yet.  No wonder I’m still awake… lol   I still find it all relatively amusing, so anyone stressing out there: SMILE!  It goes a long way towards healing anything. And so does all the love from your Buddy Slim buddies.  Thanks!