bionicbarbi

I’m down another 40 pounds and my brain is starting to adjust to the idea I was never a size 28 except in my mind.  I was hoping it would be a more drastic change, but I’m also learning to deal with losing fat before building a ton of muscle since the latter only slows my progress. I even bought a size 14 sweater and noticed that it practically hangs on me! I’ve developed a relationship with SPANX that will hopefully last a lifetime.  They totally smooth you out so you feel like the weight you actually are instead of the weight you look to yourself in the mirror!I’m still struggling with health issues, but my newest client seems to be bringing me out of my self imposed doldrums by giving me an excuse to run up 3 flights of stairs a few times a day. (Yes: RUN.  Who knew I’d ever be able to?  My hyper-extended knees still pop out of place all day, but it’s simply too amazing for me to even care!) My poor service dog is having quite the time trying to keep up with me!  I’ve also discovered the awesomeness of Fit-Flops!  They really do work out your posterior and legs!  Not to mention I’ve had the added benefit of their helping my build up the smaller muscles round my knees to make them more stable and relieve a lot of my pain.  They’ve been a real boon and are probably the reason running is possible now! I’m on the move again, so keeping motivated has proved a challenge, specially moving somewhere that I never wanted to see again.  I’m going to make certain I move to another complex with a great gym/pool and in walking distance to everything to encourage self-sufficiency and good habits.  At least I’ll be closer to my brother, doctors and some long-lost/newly re-found friends. It’s also a big bonus that my husband won’t have to travel so much to see me.  I’m curious to see who G-d is sending to me to help this time, but not overly excited about the drain on my health and extra meds…  Hopefully I’ll be able to keep up the good habits I’ve learned and keep myself in a positive milieu.I’ll miss my new Orlando buddies as much as I do the ones in KY, but hopefully will re-hook up with my old South Florida buddies and keep in contact with everyone as I have in the past!

In an effort to keep up the positive I’ll be signing up for a new zip code on Meetup.com.  They have the coolest clubs and keep my twirling dancing and learning great new things that get me out of my apartment and keep me actively losing!  While I’ve been in Orlando I’ve joined: dance, martial arts, shopping and walking groups.  There were even belly and pole dancing groups!  How awesome is it to get fit while learning neat ways to be sexy-fun in and out of the bedroom?!  I totally recommend anything that gets you into a new groove and keeps you focused on your long term goals of being happy and healthy!

I was doing really well for a fewe months, eating and excersising and actually paying attention to all my doctors (I’d hate to get dropped again.)  However, I triped face first into my usual pitfall.  Ignoring the signs I need to actually show up for a doctors visit.  All I had was a little cold with a high fever and a little confusion.  Nothing to stress over  Besides, it didn’t even spread to my lungs!  So I waited to see if my immune system would transition from fever to reasonable health (yeah right!)  Surprisingly it seemed to work and I felt a little better! 

rn

Uh huh.  Whatever.  A few weeks later it was back and every week thereafter I’ve developed a slight fever for a few days.  So I’m making a doctor’s appointment.  The good news is I did see my pulmonologist (of course I didn’t tell him), and my lungs are like rockingly clear!  So COOL!  The bad news is I’ve let this drag out for almost 5 months, during which I’ve gained back most of the weight I lost and I think whatever was wrong with me has spread.  I’m having seizures again (which prompted me to actually worry) and now I feel yucky all the time.  I’d stopped eating enough so back to starvation mode.

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I have taken some control back though.  I’m back to eating enough times a day and my calories are up.  Now, all I have to do is get healthy and exercise more.  I’ve also decided  to let my endocrinologist test me for Cushing’s disease.  I was waiting to have most of my health under control before adding the next, most obvious diagnosis.  I’ve waited three years and enough is enough.  I should be losing just from eating as much as I am.  I feel like all I do all day is stuff myself and think about my weight.  (I miss being a young anorexic.. you never really think about food if you totally zen the experience.)  I have finally reached my calorie goal of 1200 pretty consistently for a few weeks. Yay!   (Though I worry that sometimes I way over or way under.)Now let’s see if I can actually eat, exercise, take pills (I swear they’re already a meal) and show up to appointments while I work on my book and music.  This is the lightest scedule I’ve had ever and somehow  I still feel a little overwhelmed.  OOPS it’s two in the morning and I haven’t had elavil yet.  No wonder I’m still awake… lol   I still find it all relatively amusing, so anyone stressing out there: SMILE!  It goes a long way towards healing anything. And so does all the love from your Buddy Slim buddies.  Thanks!

I haven’t been on in ages but I haven’t forgotten you guys.  Three cheers for Buddyslim!!! 

rn

It’s summer and now that I’ve finally chased that nasty cold away, the moody Florida weather is trying to migraine me to death.  Well I say no more! I fully intend to enjoy the rest  of my time here dancing, walking and otherwise enjoying the Florida weather rain or shine! 

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My husband and I are relocating to Kentucky with his employer.  We’re very excited, despite the fact that I won’t be there much.  This year I’m taking time off to work on a book with some friends,my music and my health.

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Keeping up my calories is still a chore, but one I’m getting a little more comfortably with.  I’ve gone trail mix and fresh fruit and veggie crazy.  When I don’t feel like chewing I drink them.  It’s amazing how many nutrients you can get in a smoothie these days.  (did anyone else know that one slice of pumpkin pie is not only lower in sugar than most desserts , but can provide you 40% of your day’s vitamin A?)  It’s like and overnight miracle.. My nails are long and strong.  My hair is shiny and growing.  Who knew vitamins were this good for you?  I’m seriously re-evaluating my stance on food being the root of all evil.   (My mother’s just proud to see I’m not drinking Diet Air anymore…mmmm, was that stuff deliciously unnutritious!)

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I’ve decided to buy a bike since I’ll be living in a relatively quiet area in Kentucky.  It’ll up my calorie burning, whivh should (hopefully) up my desire for calories (more nutrition yay!)  I am also feeling remarkably healthy (for me).  Which means I left the house (alone) and (contrary to what I’ve been led to believe) did not get lost, keel over or die before getting home.  I mean I got a little woozy/ confused and had to call a cab, but all in all I believe it may be posssible for me to survive being out in public alone.  Specially when I get my new doggy companion.  I’m so excited!  i feel like a new woman.  It’s been so long since I was out alone and not scared to death of getting hurt!

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Anyway, just thought I’d check in to root for everyone and let you know you inspire me.  Drop me a line and let me know how you’re doing.

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Hugs,

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Myri

rn

I haven’t weighed myself lately but I’m down 2 pant sizes!  I’m thrilled.  My goal is 2-4 more by my birthday (May 26).  I’m slacking a little on the food thing because I’m in the middle of a project but I’m trying really hard not to starve myself (my usual MO.)  I’m also a little under the weather.. going on two months now.  I hope I just need another detox or something… maybe more food and sleep, lol.  I finally got my o2 delivered. yay!  I haven’t used it much yet but I’ve been doing breathing exercises to counteract the way I’m feeling.  I’m also sending myself reminders on my cell from www.backpackit.com.  I usually ignore them (yearbook season I’m notorious bad this time of year), but at least it gives me a twinge of guilt that motivates me to eat if I haven’t had breakfast or a snack by the time my lunch alarm goes off.

rn

I’ve been dancing again and alternating it with my gazelle freestyle, weight training and walking throughout the day.  I’m sure to do at least one, even if I don’t feel too great.  I’m also drinking muscle milk when I don’t feel like eating (I know it’s a gainer but I never get enough calories anyway.)  It works great, except when I take my meds.. I’m not sure I have the energy to eat real food every morning, just for the sake of taking vitamins and pills, but it seems like my body has decided to enforce it!  The oxygen will help all the way around. 

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I’m also measuring myself and monitoring improvements in my health instead of weighing all the time.  I prefer looking nice and being healthy (a mojor plus for me) to obsessing about how much I weigh.  Assumedly better health habits will lead to being thinner.  They certainly can’t hurt.   

I’ve been sick all my life, but I’ve never let it stop or deter me from anything I really wanted to do. When my doctors told me at 12 that I could either quit dancing or expect to be crippled, I determined I would dance ’til I dropped. When I was told, at 14, that I may have a stress related seizure disorder, I figure so what? everyone’s stressed out. I’ll deal. At 15, I suffered a partial immune collapse (due to not sleeping, not eating, a generally sucky immune system and systematically not telling my parents about the several infections I had at that point, until I collapsed at school, and developed asthma), so I worked from home and made business calls all day from a hospital bed. (I was a strangely interprising young woman.) And drop I did. At 19 I had to choose between being able to take care of my brother or ending up in a wheelchair and I chose to work myself to death. As you can probably tell I’m not a person of half measures. Not long after I suffered severe burns to my feet: and kept walking. A few years after that I had a catastrophic seizure (it took out one side of my body and part of my vision). The joy. For once, I had to admit that I wasn’t super-woman. What happens when a dancer stops dancing? Her body goes straight to hell. Thank goodness I’m well endowed and it balances out my look or it would really put a damper on my self esteem. Almost 10 years later I am still not letting my health get in the way but I’ve come to terms with being disabled and I fully intend to get back to being me. rnSo here’s the catch. I’ve been anorexic since I was 11 (who has time to eat when you’re out saving the world and coaching cheerleaders?), because it’s been so long since I’ve eaten normally and due to the lack of excersice and tons of medication my body is fighting back, I’ve been diagnosed with a indeterminate eating disorder. How do you learn to eat and take care of yourself after nearly 18 years of developing bad habits and thinking food’s the enemy? Let’s find out. (It’s funny really, because when I eat consistently the weight literally melts off.) Today’ s the first day of the rest of my life.